Hard sell

What really gets under my nose these days is the new form of tele-selling the banks and other businesses feel inclined to inflict on us. These calls usually come at an inconvenient time and quite frankly, anyone who tries to sell me something I don’t want or need is wasting my time and theirs.

The first clue when my cell phone rings is that it lists a “Private number”. “Ok I think, it is one of those.” Very often I do not bother to answer the call, because I know that if it is someone who genuinely wants to speak to me, they will leave a message on my voice mail and I will phone them back.

Usually the call starts with, “Good day Mr H how are you?” As if they care, because as soon as you say you are fine, they go into their long and scripted sales pitch, without pausing for breath. You are then bombarded with a barrage of hard sell and if you try to be polite, you are sunk, because they will push it to the bitter end.

That is what they rely on. Most people are too polite to say no. I was like that – not wanting to cause offence has resulted in many hours being wasted listening to a sales pitch.

My approach these days is very simple. As soon as I am hit with the “Good day Mr H how are you?” my immediate response is, “So what are you trying to sell me today?”

This totally floors them, because to does not follow the script, there is no short answer so the next best option is to launch into the sales pitch. This response usually causes them to lose their composure for a few seconds and I quickly add, “Because I do not want to buy anything today.”

That is normally enough to kill the call. If that does not do the trick, I press the red button and kill the call.

If you want a bit of fun try this one:

“It is not convenient to talk now, but if you leave me your number I will get back to you.”

Of course you know that that is never going to happen.

“No problem,” you can say, “just give me your cell number and I’ll phone you when I get off work.”

The next time I am inflicted with a “Good day Mr H how are you?” I think I will try something different. Maybe they will leave me alone if I respond something like this, “I am so glad someone is prepared to listen. I am having a really bad day - a bad week in fact. I have the most terrible headache at the moment and I have a terrible stomach ache. I do not think it is my appendix……..”

Knowing my luck it will be someone selling herbal remedies and they will have just the thing for me.