Is it just me?

Today I got my first “mwah” and I hope it is my last, because I will do everything possible to avoid getting another one. If you do not know what a “mwah” is, let me explain. Maybe if I try and explain it I will gain a better understanding for myself.

A “mwah” is a new form of greeting to me. Suzi-k tells it is a cheek to cheek air kiss and is very “in” among the trendy circles. From what I understand it is like “shalaam”. Whether you are coming or going you say, “Shalaam.” Whether you are coming or going you do a “mwah.”

Depending on the circles you move in there are two kinds of “mwah”. The technique is essentially the same for both. There is the single “mwah” and then there is the double barreled “mwah.”

The technique is to go up to the intended “victim”, then with exaggerated haste and a big smile on your face and with flamboyant movements, place a hand on each of their shoulders and bring your head past the side of theirs (it does not matter which side) without touching and let off a loud “mwah” and then retreat. For the double barreled “mwah”, you do it on both sides.

I only got the single malt version today and I think I may have fluffed it and I am not going to go there. I am not too sure about when the double barreled one is used and don’t intend to find out. Personally I prefer the old fashioned handshake.

I am something of an unconventional guy - just a common or garden bush baby who has never followed the dictates of fashion or convention. So when something like this comes my way I want to run. I don’t think I can do a “mwah”.

I also don’t do the kissing thing, unless it is my wife.

Perhaps this goes back to teenage traumas. When I was about 16 years old we went to visit some Afrikaans relatives, some of whom I had not even met and I had my first experience of an Afrikaner custom, which I have never embraced.

It was the first time I had met Klein (small) Gert, my uncle Gert’s eldest son. He was probably ten or twelve years older than me. In my characteristic fashion I politely stretched out my arm to shake his hand and before I realized what was happening, he had pulled me towards him and planted a kiss firmly on my lips. Let’s just say that I recoiled and beat a hasty retreat.

From there on my form of greeting was simple. It was still the handshake, but my arm was as stiff as a ramrod and my legs were as firmly braced as if I were in a tug o’ war, to make sure that no one reeled me in. And I have maintained that record for forty years.

I just need to find a strategy to “mwah” proof myself now.

Is it just me…………………………?