20 August 2008

Life with Suzie - "anger management"

One little rule that Suzie and I decided on right at the beginning of our marriage, was never to go to sleep angry with one another. This has been a good practice as it has forced us to deal with our disagreements, even if it meant talking into the early hours of the morning. This is also an added incentive to sort out the problems quickly, especially if you need your beauty sleep.

The times we have broken the rule could probably be counted on one hand, which is not a bad record for 32 years. The only problem on those occassions is that the night got very uncomfortable, as we each clung to our side of the bed trying not to touch each other.

On the plus side we have a great marriage and very seldom have disagreements.

One memorable disagreement in the early years of our marriage, was when Suzie was a potter. We had been invited out to dinner with a group of friends and were running late. Suzie believed in being fashionably late and I believed in Teutonic punctuality (must be my German ancestry). I was champing at the bit and being a total grot.

To make matters worse, from my perspective, she very cheerfully loaded a pottery order into the car, which she said we could deliver on the way.

By now I was being totally unreasonable and said it would make us even more late - even if it was on the way.

Let me just say that there was an exchange of words between us and when we got to the street where the delivery was to be made, Suzie was equally anry, with probably a lot more justification than me. Her stubborn streak kicked in and she refused to give me the street number, saying that she would do the delivery on Monday.

My conscience was now beginning to get the better of me, not that I would admit it. So instead of saying I was sorry and that it was really no problem and I was being totally unreasonable, I parked the car in the middle of the road and said we could stay there until she gave me the street number.............

...............Suzie weakened first and we made the delivery and even though we were late, we were the first to arrive at our friends place. Some people take being fashionably late to even greater heights.

That night we behaved totally out of character, sitting on opposite sides of the room and not saying a word to each other. It must have been very obvious to our friends. Afterwards we drove home in stoney silence and put the kids to bed without saying a word. We were both still in sulk mode.

Rules being rules, neither of us went to the bedroom. We somehow gravitated to the kitchen, where we stood staring at each other, still in stoney silence and then simultaneously burst out laughing. I don't know what brought it on, but we kissed and made up. So often the causes of a disagreement are so silly you can only laugh at them.

Suzie still likes being fashionably late, but there are times when she is a stickler for punctuality. And me - well if you can't beat em, join em - life's too short to get hung up on the little things.

The rule is still there, but I can't remember the last time we needed to use it.


dot said...

Hi Max!
Great story and I love the happy ending! I'm so glad that both my husband and I like to be early or at least on time.

Rose said...

Loved your story...we have been married 32 years, also and have that same rule of not going to bed.sleep mad at each other.

Susanne49 said...

This is such a great story Max. We all can learn from both of you.

I cannot remember anymore when we had our last fight, but we end up also always with laughing first and then he takes me in his arms.....Love is just wonderful!